Friend or Foe?

Dear Molly,

I just got in a big fight with my friend.  She always tries to boss me around, and I’m getting sick of it.  How do I talk to her about this, or maybe it’s just time to move on and find some better friends?

– Bickering in Blaine

Dear Bickering in Blaine,

Relationships are always a two-way street.  Your friend might be bossing you around, but you’re the one who has allowed it up until now.  So, you’ve already done the first step, which is to decide you won’t let people treat you like that anymore.  If you want to continue the relationship, you can simply let her know how you feel.  Say something like, “I feel ________ when you speak to me like that.  She might get defensive but hold your ground and continue the conversation.

Let her know you’re making some changes in your life, and tell her what you need from the relationship/friendship.  If she is willing to look at herself and is open to listening to what you need, that will tell you a lot.  Ask her what she needs from you too, and take responsibility for your role in the relationship.  This can actually make your relationship better and stronger.

If she doesn’t respond well or is not willing to change the way she communicates with you, you can either decide to let it continue or walk away.  If you walk away, make sure you respect yourself as the person you’ve now become, so you attract friends who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Hope this helps.

Love,

Molly.

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