By the time I’m done with work, I’m exhausted. How can I create space for more joy in my life?
– Joyless in Juneau
Dear Joyless in Juneau,
Choose 1 day a week.
Without knowing what you’ll be doing, or how you’ll manage it, just pick one day of the week.
This is your day!
Whether you feel like it or not, this is the day each week you treat yourself to something nice. A bouquet of flowers, a new cd – something to lift your spirits.
These little tokens of appreciation for yourself will begin to lift your heavy energy.
Make sure you do this every week. No skipping out on yourself! Reminding yourself you are loved by first giving it to yourself will open the door to more joy.
What do you do when you can’t get your creative juices flowing?
– Blocked in Brentwood
Dear Blocked in Brentwood,
I love this question.
Here’s how you start your way back home to your true, creative self:
Create space in your day for something fun. You only need 30 minutes to start. Pick something that makes your heart sing (painting, singing, etc…). You know what it is – trust the first thing that comes to you.
Don’t feel guilty about it!
Just start this one hobby and watch how allowing yourself to do something you really love begins to open you back up.
Be a kid again!!
Reconnecting to play and the process of enjoying something will get the juices flowing again. Hope this helps!
What do you do when you discover you’ve been following the wrong path for too long? I know this is not what I signed up for, but I don’t know how to adjust my sails. I’d like to start doing what I really want. Please help.
– Wandering in Westminster
Dear Wandering in Westminster,
Decide what you want and shift your focus into something new. Don’t beat yourself up because of the road you just traveled. Everything has purpose. The only way to be happy is to listen to your heart and soul and trust it will always lead you in the right direction. Let go of what was and open to where you are now. Everything will become clear as you release and allow yourself to want what you want. Then all you have to do is enjoy.
I have been trying to make some changes in my life for a long time, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere. I really want to lose weight and feel better in my body. I feel tired all the time, and my results don’t seem to stick. I’ll lose 10 pounds then gain it back. I want to end this vicious cycle, but I also think, “what’s the point?” Why bother if I’m just going to gain it back and have to do it all over again? I think it’d be easier to just give up.
– Wishing for Weight Loss in Westchester
Dear Wishing for Weight Loss in Westchester,
Don’t give up! Sometimes I think when people are having so much trouble with something it’s because they are trying too hard. You probably know what to do to lose weight since you’ve done it before. Now maybe you just need to relax a little bit, and be easy on yourself as you do it again. This time when you feel yourself starting to get stressed or feel a slip backwards, just lightly catch yourself. You’ve been there before – so you know the spot. Breathe, relax, and gently encourage yourself forward. We all do this, so don’t think you’re the only one. It’s a common part of change – one step forward, two steps back. You just learn how to catch yourself in that spot where it gets intense, and you want to revert back to your old ways. One new thought in the right direction will keep you moving forward. Decide to breakthrough! (and know you’re worthy of the breakthrough!!)
Pretty soon you’ll learn how to manage yourself on a regular basis, sensing the slipping points and redirecting yourself. Believe it or not, your mind has a lot of control here. See if you can notice the dialogue that comes up during the hard times – that’s really what needs to change.
Like every other change, the ability to see yourself in a positive light will help push through the hard stuff and sustain the new you!
Remember how awesome you are! Now prepare your mind again for success. You can do it!
I’m cheering you on!
I have trouble letting myself have what I want. It’s frustrating. I know who I am and what I want to do, but I struggle with this idea that I’m not good enough – so why try? Can you help me with this? I miss my life.
– Missing Out In Montana
Dear Missing Out in Montana,
You are good enough. We all are. So just brush those words out of your vocabulary. Okay?
I see this happen all the time with adults. You try, and try, and try, and try, and then you’re tired. You make it so much harder than it is. When all you really have to do is show up with an open heart, and have so much fun with whatever you’re doing. Everything starts working out when you enjoy yourself. It’s like people just can’t wait to give you more, because your joy is contagious.
So, get rid of the “I’m not good enough” lie. You are love, and you are light. Start acting in line with that truth, and your life will begin to change.
When you try to tell yourself those lies, catch yourself in the act and change your mind.
Let your new ‘good enough’ behavior follow.
I just got in a big fight with my friend. She always tries to boss me around, and I’m getting sick of it. How do I talk to her about this, or maybe it’s just time to move on and find some better friends?
– Bickering in Blaine
Dear Bickering in Blaine,
Relationships are always a two-way street. Your friend might be bossing you around, but you’re the one who has allowed it up until now. So, you’ve already done the first step, which is to decide you won’t let people treat you like that anymore. If you want to continue the relationship, you can simply let her know how you feel. Say something like, “I feel ________ when you speak to me like that. She might get defensive but hold your ground and continue the conversation.
Let her know you’re making some changes in your life, and tell her what you need from the relationship/friendship. If she is willing to look at herself and is open to listening to what you need, that will tell you a lot. Ask her what she needs from you too, and take responsibility for your role in the relationship. This can actually make your relationship better and stronger.
If she doesn’t respond well or is not willing to change the way she communicates with you, you can either decide to let it continue or walk away. If you walk away, make sure you respect yourself as the person you’ve now become, so you attract friends who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Hope this helps.
What do you recommend I do about this situation? I don’t want to live where I’m living anymore, but I don’t know where to go. I’ve wanted to move for awhile, but whenever I think about where, i can never come up with a definitive place. I feel like I’m being indecisive, but maybe I really don’t know? How can I get more clear about this, and then take the leap to do it?
– Time to Move in Tinseltown
Dear Time to Move in Tinseltown,
You might not know, because you’ve been stuck where you are for so long, nothing seems like it will be different. Why don’t you start with a trip? Do a little traveling and test the waters a bit. Do you like the water? The mountains? Do you want to live abroad? Book some short trips to cities you are drawn to. Don’t worry if before you leave, you can’t see yourself living there. It’s about the process. Each venture out will help you become a little more clear. Then, when you’re ready to take the leap, you’ll be able to do so with a little more confidence.
I would like to travel more, and it is currently not in my budget. How can I start making space for this? I would like it to become a more regular part of my life. Please help me make this happen!
– Wanderlusting in Westchester
Dear Wanderlusting in Westchester,
This is easier than you think it will be. Once you make space for and enjoy the first trip, it will set the energy in motion for you to keep going with it. The joy and vitality you will feel from getting away will allow you to start easily formulating solutions for designing your life. Simply begin to choose your destinations, and enjoy the process of anticipation. Get excited, and pick a few! This will be rejuvenating for you. Then commit to the one you want to do first, even if you don’t yet have the resources. The money will show up for you. Once you commit, the path will begin to show itself to you. Trust yourself as you carve this out – and LET YOURSELF enjoy it! This process really works, I promise. Ask and receive. Have fun! I love traveling.
What do you suggest I do about being in a relationship? I’ve been wanting to be in one for some time, but it’s just not happening for me. Do you believe in soul mates?
– Relational Rehab in Rhode Island
Dear Relational Rehab in Rhode Island,
I do believe in soul mates. When you meet someone and you get a sense you have met them before or know them from somewhere that is a definite sign of a soul mate.
If you want to be in a relationship, first you must feel good about you – you want to attract someone who is in line with the authentic you – which means you must first have a sense of who that part of you is.
Make space for him/her to come into your life. Start arranging things in your home as if he/she is already there. I know it sounds silly, but this really works.
Let go of how you think he/she is going to come to you, and line up with what you love to do. Fill your life up, open your heart, and he/she will find his/her way to you. Let it happen naturally – don’t panic – let him/her in!!
People who know who they are and live in accordance with this knowing are incredibly attractive. He/she is not far from you. Step into your happiness, and it will happen in no time!
Got any advice for an old woman who wants to re-invent herself?
– Making it Over in Memphis
Dear Making it Over in Memphis,
Yes! Have fun with it!
Let each day be new as you discover, discard, and add more to the you you are becoming. Every day is a new beginning. Choose to see yourself and life as a constant evolution you can connect to at any moment. Honor the woman you are on the inside and out – love her. This is the greatest accessory you can add to any re-invention – Self-love. Anything’s possible from this core connection. Let the steps reveal themselves to you, and enjoy the unfolding.