Letting Go

Dear Molly,

I’m ready to move into a new phase in my life. It’s been a long time coming, probably should’ve done it years ago, but I’m ready now. I’m wondering how to make it through in one piece coming out on the other side feeling alive and free. I don’t normally handle change well, and all parts of my life are shifting. Please help me through!

– Shifting in Shelbysville

Dear Shifting in Shelbysville,

Congratulations!

I know it’s scary, but you’re getting ready for the one of the greatest adventures of your life!

That’s my first piece of advice – See it as an adventure you are creating.

The key to making it through the middle is to let go. Trust the change.

Keep your eyes focused forward, because there’s so much ahead of you.

Make sure to remind yourself why this is important to you. You may need that reminder more than a time or two. 🙂

When life starts moving really fast, remind yourself you can never keep up with everything, and you never have to. Stay strong and focused, but also let go. That’s a tricky balance for some, but it’s how you’ll come out feeling alive and free. The freedom’s in the letting go. Just keep moving with it the best you can, and when you need a break – take one!

I tell you it’s all in the pacing!

Happy trails to you! I think you are going to be great.

Love,
Molly.

p.s. the first step sometimes is all it takes to open up a brand new life. I believe in you!

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Joyful Journey

Dear Molly,

Please talk to me about how I can live more fully and enjoy this experience of life.  I tend to get obsessed with getting things done and the ever elusive finish line, which you and I both know does not exist.  I still crave the completion of things, but I’d like to be able to enjoy myself along the way.  How do I reconcile these two points, so I may feel the success and confidence from completing cycles but not lose myself in the chase?  Thank you for your guidance.

– Chasing in Chatanooga

Dear Chasing in Chatanooga,

The journey is why you’re here, but I agree there’s a certain degree of satisfaction that comes from the finish line too.

Here is how you use them both.

Focus on what you want and where you would like to be, then detach from the outcome.  Hold that vision strong, but do not think you need to know every detail of how you will get there.  This is part of the fun.  The vision will pull you forward, but by detaching from the ‘finish line,’ you free yourself to enjoy the steps.  Take pleasure in the momentum that builds along the way!  It’s kind of like planning a trip — sometimes the anticipation is as wonderful as the trip itself — but if you can learn to enjoy both – then you’ve really got it made!

It’s important to have something to look forward to, because it keeps your energy moving forward.  If you’ve ever felt stuck, this is a great way to get out.  The idea of something has to excite you enough to propel you into action when the time is right.

Knowing you’re moving towards something keeps you from getting lost in the shuffle.  Living like a kid again requires total immersion in right now.  Stay loose, and be easy with it.  Tension and negativity will block your progress, and worse they will steal your joy.

Focus Forward.  Live Right Now. 

This is how you integrate the two.

You didn’t come for the win.  You came for the game.  The win is short-lived.  Once you get there, you’ll want something else.  To really master this, you know this ahead of time.  This allows you to add one cycle on top of another until this beautiful flow becomes your life.

Enjoy the journey.  Enjoy the end.  Just know the end becomes a new starting line.

When you acknowledge this, you’ll throw your arms in the air and begin to enjoy the ride.

Now get to ‘work!’

Love,

Molly.

 

Relationship Rifts

Dear Molly,

My relationship is falling apart.  It feels like I don’t even know who this person is anymore. I want things to work out, but all we do is fight, which then turns into periods of not talking.  How can I mend the rift between us?

– Broken in Botown

Dear Broken in Botown,

What did you love about this person when you first got together?  Can you still see it, or try to see it even in the midst of a fight?  Is it still there?

Sometimes our own internal struggles can make their way into our relationships.  Have you taken the time lately to de-stress?  Pent-up ‘stuff’ can make its way out in situations where it’s not necessarily appropriate.

For instance, as a simple example, maybe someone has a bad day at work.  They got into an argument with their boss, but they couldn’t fully express themselves for fear of losing their job.  So, instead of being able to fully resolve this situation in the workplace where it started, they bring it home with them.  Now, they’re taking their anger and discontent out on their partner.

See what you can do to find any other unsatisfied situations, which may be affecting your relationship, and do what you need to do to resolve them appropriately.  Maybe you just need another outlet beyond the home and workplace.  If we don’t have these outlets, we can place a lot of expectations on our job and partners – expecting them to fill our every need.  This isn’t fair.  You need to fill yourself up too.

Now, go back to what you fell in love with and reconnect to that.  You too have probably changed a lot since being together, so have a conversation about your new expanded needs.  He/She probably has some too.  If you really love each other, which it sounds like you do, this should help you come together in a new way.  And, if not, well…you gave it your best shot.

Remember the hard times can offer a lot of clarity about what you truly want by showing you exactly what you don’t want.  It’s partly how you get to the ‘other side.’

Good luck!

Love,

Molly.

Living A Lie – Be Yourself

 

Dear Molly,

 

What do you do when you realize you’ve been living someone else’s life?  It just occurred to me I’ve done all the things everyone else thinks I should be doing.  I want to stop living this way.  It doesn’t feel good.

 

Living a Lie in Lafayette

 

Dear Living a Lie in Lafayette,

 

Well, cheers to you for acknowledging how you feel – A sure sign you are not connected to your ‘true’ self is not feeling good.  You can start (or continue) to pay attention to your emotions, as they will guide you on to your authentic path.  When you are connected to who you really are – you feel alive, energized and excited for life.  Of course, this won’t be the case all the time, but you want to try to be here as much as you can.

 

So, how do you begin to do this, you’re wondering?

 

Think about things that make you feel good – imagine them – let the images of them begin to conjure feelings for you.  Start there.  Then, you can start bringing more of these things into your reality.  It’s up to you how small or large you want to go with this.

 

 

You could think of tangible things you enjoy, and you can also use the same process to create a vision for your life.

 

 

Your imagination is very powerful – Know this.

 

If you need help making it real, don’t be afraid to ask for help.  There are plenty of coaches and teachers out there looking for someone just like you who wants to mold their life.

 

Start really simply by just letting yourself enjoy each day a bit more.  That’s a great platform for change.

 

Have fun!

 

Love,

Molly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Lesson in Boundaries

Dear Molly,

I need time alone, but I’m always with people.  Between my friends, my family, my work, etc. I barely get five minutes to myself.  I don’t know how to allow myself this space when so many people need me.  What do you recommend?

Breathing Badly in Belize

Dear Breathing Badly in Belize,

I’m glad you’re wanting to take some time for yourself.  You deserve it.  Start by knowing that’s true.  It will help with any guilt you might feel as you wean yourself away from constant stimulation and allow yourself some relaxation and enjoyment.

What do you need the most?  Space to breathe? Time to read?  A hot bath?  A nap??

Decide how you’d like to spend your alone time.  It will inspire you to create the space.

Once you’ve decided how you’d like to spend the time, pick a block of time that feels reasonable for you to start (Give yourself at least 10 minutes!).  Then you can do one of two things:

Let people know that’s your time, and you can’t/won’t be interrupted (and hold true to it!)

Guard it with your life and don’t feel the need to explain at all.  If you feel pressured, just call it a ‘meeting.’  That’s as much as anyone needs to know.

Enjoy your ‘meetings!’ (wink, wink)

If anyone gives you grief, know it’s because they grew to lean and depend on you too much – maybe even took you for granted.  Their lack of acceptance of your newfound space  is their own discomfort their needs are not being fully tended to – in which case you can teach them how to create ‘meetings’ for themselves too.  Then they won’t need you so much, and you can, I don’t know….enjoy each other.  🙂

Be an example of self-care.  You’ll learn good boundaries while teaching them too.

Love,

Molly.

Round and Round and Round We Go

Dear Molly,

I just repeated an old cycle.  I was so close to breaking through, and then there it was again.  How come our biggest obstacles come up and smack us in the face right when we’re about to break new ground?  Now I’m back to square one, and I most definitely do not want to do this again. Can you please offer some insight?

Repetitively Round-Abouting in Rhode Island

Dear Repetitively Round-Abouting in Rhode Island,

Don’t ya just hate that?!

Kinda makes you want to throw in the towel sometimes.  I understand.

Well, I suppose one possibility is you didn’t fully integrate the lesson the first time through.  So, it came around again to see if you had embodied the change or not – and unfortunately it sounds like you got another chance to do that.  Or fortunately, you got another chance to do just that, so you’re stronger and wiser now.  It’s all in the perspective.  Take a minute to step back and think what about you need to shift inside, so the next time it presents itself you’ll walk right past.

Our biggest obstacles become the most intense right before a breakthrough.  It’s as if they are saying, “Are you sure you really want me to go?” because they would sure like to stick around and play.  Don’t fall for it.  Call on your inner strength, take a breath and move ahead.   Your ego likes to trick you into thinking you need it to call the shots – You don’t!  It never has your best interests at heart.  Stick with the intensity as you meet it, and lay it to rest once and for all.

Then enjoy your newfound freedom.

Love,

Molly.

Dream Job Landed

Dear Molly,

I just landed my dream job!  Now I’m freaking out.  What if it’s not what I think it’s going to be?  What if I can’t handle it?  What if it’s too much pressure?  Ahhhh!  Please help.

What-iffing in Wauwatosa

Dear What-iffing in Wauwatosa,

Way to go!  You did it!

Relax and take a breath.  Just enjoy the moment for a minute (maybe even two). 🙂

No use projecting into the future.  Practice staying present – remember the point is to enjoy yourself.

You may very well meet some obstacles, but you’re well-equipped to handle them.

Focus on the fact that you just landed your dream job.  Savor, Savor, Savor.  You can figure everything out as you go.

Everything is working out now, isn’t it?  Don’t mess it up by focusing on what might go wrong.  Sometimes our fears become our reality.  So, I’m going to ask you to cut that out!  You just landed your dream job!!

Just reminding you, because it sounds like you forgot how amazing that is.

Have fun!

Love,

Molly.

Vacation Ready

Dear Molly,

I’m in need of a vacation, but I don’t have the funds for it right now.  I definitely need a change in scene to recharge my batteries.  What do you suggest?

– Recharging in Ragtown

Dear Recharging in Ragtown,

Can you plan for one in a few months?

Figure out where you want to go and what you want to do.  This will motivate you.  Maybe even gather up some pictures, so you can begin to see it as real.

Come up with a budget without looking at your current financial situation.  Then think about how you could bring in some additional income.  Maybe you could work just a few extra hours somewhere to build your travel nest egg.  When you assign a fun reason for working extra, it won’t seem like such a drag!  Stick to the plan and let yourself use that money for your trip.

Even though it won’t be happening right away, it might help your energy just to anticipate it’s coming.  Figure out your plan for timing by aligning your desire with how much you want or need to work in the meantime.

You could also cut expenses in other areas of your life and redirect it to a travel fund.

In the meantime, carve out a mini-vacation for yourself 1x/week.  It doesn’t have to cost much, or anything at all.  Just do something nice for yourself to keep your spirits high.

Have fun both planning and vacationing!  Sometimes the anticipation is just as great as the trip!

Love,

Molly.

Crash And Burn

Dear Molly,

I’m going through some hard times.  It seems everything is falling apart, and I don’t know why.  I’m scared this downward spiral is never going to end.  How do I stop the downward momentum and find my way back?

– Crash and Burn in Crookston

Dear Crash and Burn in Crookston,

I’m sorry you’re going through hard times.  Sometimes it’s our own thought process that gets in the way of recovery.  Hard to believe, I know, but if you can come around to the idea you can start to take hold of some of your thoughts and get them moving in the direction of positivity and forward momentum – even in the middle of destruction.

What type of grounding practice do you have in your life?  If nothing, that’s okay – perfect time to start something that will help you feel better and can look forward to preferably on a regular basis – walking or yoga or something you enjoy.

When things fall apart materially, we need to think what it is that helps us feel stable and secure on the inside.  It really is an internal process.  In essence, you can rebuild yourself from the ground up, and as you do you’ll feel empowered to put the external pieces back together too.

Maybe it’s time to create a whole new puzzle.  Destruction has a way of putting you in touch with – you.  You may not see it now, so just trust me.  You’ll look back one day and see it as a gift.

Until then, take it one day at a time.  You don’t have to change everything at once.  Pace yourself.

Do you have anyone you can talk to?  Surround yourself with great people, who will positively support you as you move through.

I hope everything turns out okay.  I’ll be thinking of you.

Love,

Molly.

Looking For Love

Dear Molly,

I met this guy a few years ago, but the timing wasn’t right.  He was great, and I think about him sometimes, wondering if I should get back in touch with him or let it go?  What do you think?

– Looking for Love in Longmont

Dear Looking for Love in Longmont,

What would be your purpose for getting back in touch with him?  I would clarify that first.  That way you can be clear about your expectations for the situation.  Then you can prepare yourself for either response.

Sounds like you’re interested in being more than just friends.  Maybe you can start with a phone conversation and just get back in touch.  See how it feels, find out what he’s been up to and go from there.  Trust your heart.  It will tell you if it’s right.  Always be willing to risk when it comes to love if it’s what you really want.  If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know you gave it your best shot, and you won’t have to wonder.

Hope it turns out the way you want it to.

Love,

Molly.