Relational Rehab

Dear Molly,

What do you suggest I do about being in a relationship?  I’ve been wanting to be in one for some time, but it’s just not happening for me.  Do you believe in soul mates?

 

– Relational Rehab in Rhode Island

Dear Relational Rehab in Rhode Island,

I do believe in soul mates.  When you meet someone and you get a sense you have met them before or know them from somewhere that is a definite sign of a soul mate.

If you want to be in a relationship, first you must feel good about you – you want to attract someone who is in line with the authentic you – which means you must first have a sense of who that part of you is.

Make space for him/her to come into your life.  Start arranging things in your home as if he/she is already there.  I know it sounds silly, but this really works.

Let go of how you think he/she is going to come to you, and line up with what you love to do.  Fill your life up, open your heart, and he/she will find his/her way to you.  Let it happen naturally – don’t panic – let him/her in!!

People who know who they are and live in accordance with this knowing are incredibly attractive.  He/she is not far from you.  Step into your happiness, and it will happen in no time!

Love,

Molly.

Makeover in Memphis

Dear Molly,

Got any advice for an old woman who wants to re-invent herself? 

– Making it Over in Memphis

Dear Making it Over in Memphis,

Yes! Have fun with it!

Let each day be new as you discover, discard, and add more to the you you are becoming.  Every day is a new beginning.  Choose to see yourself and life as a constant evolution you can connect to at any moment.  Honor the woman you are on the inside and out – love her.  This is the greatest accessory you can add to any re-invention – Self-love.  Anything’s possible from this core connection.  Let the steps reveal themselves to you, and enjoy the unfolding. 

Love,

Molly.

Peace and Happiness

Dear Molly,

Can you tell me the secret to peace and happiness?  How can I feel this more, and most importantly, how can I sustain it as a habitual or permanent part of my being?

– Practicing Peace in Penciltown

Dear Practicing Peace in Penciltown,

Peace and happiness is who you are.  When you are not feeling these things, you are not connected to your true self.  Maybe you get distracted by everyday responsibilities and expectations.  Keep doing what you need to do, but let go of your attachment to it.  Be free.  Your life is your choice, and it’s always in your power to change it.  Keep it simple – do what you love, surround yourself with people you enjoy and support you, and feed your spirit!

Honor yourself daily.  As you learn to see yourself in the light, regardless of what’s happening around you, you will experience peace like never before.  And peace invites happiness.

Lots of love,

Molly.

Ready or Not!

Dear Molly,

I’m ready to rock it.  Ready to move into new territory.  Ready to brave the unknown.  And just wondering what advice you have for stepping off the cliff into new life?

– Ready in Rhode Island

Dear Ready in Rhode Island,

Yay!  I’m so happy to hear!!  You are going to fly so high – I can’t wait to see what unfolds for you!!  Let go and be in the moment.  Keep breathing.  Keep believing.  Leave behind everything that doesn’t serve you.  You have to give something up to gain something new.  You’re ready now.  The gain is greater than the loss, so keep your focus on that – and don’t worry about what other people are saying about you and what you’re doing.   You know your vision – just go for it!

Love,

Molly

Breathe through the Threshold of Change

Dear Molly,

I keep coming up to this same spot in my life that I can’t seem to push through.  It gets me every time, and I’d like to move through whatever barrier this is that is preventing me from realizing some changes I’m desiring in my life. 

-Spinning in Saskwatch

Dear Spinning in Saskwatch,

You’re not alone!  We all come up to these barriers when we try to move beyond our daily grind into something new.  Lots of ‘stuff’ can come up right before you step into it.  Those old voices will try to keep you exactly where you’ve been. 

Take a deep breath and just notice the thoughts.  This will help you remember they’re not really you.  The ‘real’ you wants to move into new terrain.  The ‘real’ you loves to explore and create.  So….

Make a little plan for yourself ahead of time.  Ask yourself what you need when things get tight and stressful.  Then, make a short list of those things to keep on hand.  Some times when stress hits, we can’t think clearly.  So you can imagine yourself ahead of time walking up to that threshold of change and practice what you’ll do to move through. 

Call a friend? 

Meditate? 

Play some fun music? 

Stay out of your head, and let your heart lead.  Remember to breathe.  Always, breathe!!!

Personally, I like to dance.

Keep it light, and you’ll be fine. 

I believe in you. 

Love,

Molly.

Finding Relief

Dear Molly,

I don’t know what to do.  I’m stuck in a place I don’t want to be in.  Nothing is going right.  I don’t like my job, and I’m just not enjoying myself.  I need change but don’t know where to begin.  Please help. 

– Lost in Louisville

Dear Lost in Louisville,

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so stuck.  Are you in a place where you can treat yourself to a day of fun?  You need to lighten the tension you’re feeling, it will make your way more clear and your decisions easier.  Start with that.  Do something fun, or treat yourself to something nice.  Just feel a little bit of relief from where you are.  That’s your first step.  Lighten up. 

Lots of love,

Molly.

Inside Out Beliefs

Dear Molly,

How do you let go of what’s no longer serving you when it has kept you comfortable for so long? 

                                                                                                                Clinging in Cleveland

Dear Clinging in Cleveland,

This is kind of a general question, but it’s a good one.  I imagine you could be talking about a relationship, a job or an old habit.  Whatever the case, I’m going to ask you to go a little bit deeper and have a look at some beliefs that may not be serving you. 

For instance, maybe you’re tired of people treating you a certain way in your relationships.  Instead of just looking at the external piece – the relationship – What belief do you have about yourself that allows this treatment from others?

Perhaps you think you’re not worthy of love and respect (a common belief, I might add), so you keep attracting people who give you further evidence this is true. 

This may take a little time, but what you really want to do is reconstruct some old beliefs – this is how you will begin to change your life. 

It really does start inside. 

Notice what is happening on the outside — repeated patterns, constant frustrations, etc.  Then, go inside to see if you can discover what beliefs about yourself these people and situations are triggering.

Old ways of thinking and believing are what you will need to let go of.  When you grasp that, it will be a lot easier, because you’ll realize it’s not anything material. 

It is a shift within.

This shift will naturally open you up to new circumstances and people that are more fitting for you, and when you catch a glimpse of what’s in store —

You won’t want to hold on to what came before. 

Best of luck and lots of love,

Molly.

Newbie in Nova Scotia

Dear Newbie in Nova Scotia,

How exciting!  I love meeting new friends.

What do you enjoy doing?

Dancing? Writing? Cooking? Theater?

You could start by taking a class – This will help you meet some like-minded people.

Are you a spiritual or religious person?  You could find a church or similar community to attend.

Your best bet is to start doing things that resonate with who you really are.  That way you will most likely meet people on a similar wavelength.

Put yourself out there, and have some fun!

Fun people attract more fun people!

And, that’s what it’s all about, right?

Love,

Molly.

Holy Madness of a Year

Dear Molly,

I had quite the year last year.  None of my plans came to fruition, and I am having a hard time making peace with it.  I want to move forward without the disappointment overshadowing my plans.  Could this year be even better because of all that has come before?  Please help me put this to rest once and for all.

Disappointed in Denver

Dear Disappointed in Denver,

It sounds like you had a big year planned last year – maybe your expectations got to be so high, you found you couldn’t actually live up to them.  Rather than thinking you have to fix anything externally, take some time to adjust your dreams and expectations.

Yes – anything is possible, but will everything happen at once? Maybe not.  Spread out your plans and give yourself some space to move into them.

Reconnect to the feeling you want when it’s all said and done, and let yourself feel that all along the way.  That’s really what you’re looking for in the first place –

The Joy of the Journey.

Because, guess what?

You’re never done – You’re always going to want more.  Instead of focusing on all that you have not done yet, remember inside you are already fully complete.  As you move forward with this understanding, you’ll be amazed at how opportunities just seem to keep finding you – and better yet – how you’re now able to let them in.

Make this year your best yet by focusing on everything that’s going right, and remember to have some fun!

Okay?

Love,

Molly

“Mawege, Mawege”

Dear Molly,

My marriage is falling apart.  I’m afraid my husband and I don’t trust each other like we used to.  An old wound keeps coming up, and I’m not sure how to repair it.  I can’t do this cycle again.  Please help.

-Falling Out of Love in Frankfurt

Dear Falling Out of Love in Frankfurt,

I’m sorry to hear you and your husband are having trouble.  Without knowing the specifics, here’s what I can say:

Take a step back, and see the big picture.  How do you want this to end?

Trust is a delicate thing.  If it has been broken, you will both need to re-dedicate yourselves to the relationship – but it doesn’t just happen – it’s going to take some work.

Be patient with the process.  If you’re the one who violated trust, you’ll have to be the more patient of the two.  Let your husband heal at his own pace.  It’s not up to you to force it.  Take it day by day.  We all mature and grow at different rates.

If your husband is the one who violated trust, give yourself the time and space you need to come back and confront the situation from a place of moving forward.

If you try to move too fast, you’ll miss important steps to your recovery.

Take the hard times with the good times and know this can make your relationship stronger if you both want it to work.  Make sure you’re both on the same page for the desired end result – then commit to it.

Let yourself feel what you feel, and create that space for your husband to do the same.  Forgiveness can be a process.  Learn from your mistakes and commit to new healthy behaviors and communication – not only based on trust but self-respect, as well.

I hope this helps.

Love,

Molly