Broken Dreams

Dear Molly,

I wasted the last 10 years.  It’s true.  I couldn’t release any of my projects.  I sabotaged myself so many times.  I ran in the opposite direction of my dream when it was exploding.  How could I do this?  It is so difficult to forgive.  I’ll never get these years back.  The worst part is I knew exactly what I wanted and why I was here.  I was enthusiastic and excited.  How could I do this to myself, and how do I move forward?  I’m afraid this is going to haunt/bother me for the rest of my life.  Please advise.

Broken in Bellingham

Dear Broken in Bellingham,

You have done more than you think.  You may have run in circles, but that’s how healing goes/is.  If you don’t heal the original wound(s), you’ll be running from it/them for the rest of your life.  You may not have anything to show for yourself externally, but you have done some great and deep inner work.  I hope you can find a way to be proud of this.  The rest of your life will show the benefits of this.  The best part?  It won’t matter to you what anyone has to say about it.

I know you’re hurting and wishing life could’ve gone differently.  I’m sorry for your missed opportunities and years.  I really am.  But, I know the power of your vision, and it will shine a billion times brighter now, because of the healing work you’ve done.  Trust this – it’s true.

What do you do with the lost years?  Pick them up, and create something beautiful.  Make them a part of your integrated whole, which you are now, by the way.  I can’t give them back to you, but you can decide to use them.  That’s always the best answer for something lost.  Go right to the middle of it, and let it bring you something new.  It will astound (that’s a big word for a 7 year old, but I know what it means) you.  I think what’s at play here is your inability to let yourself be astounded.

Life really can be that good, but you have to believe you deserve it.  This is a new path you are paving for yourself.  When you really let yourself feel the magnitude (another big word, I know.  I read a lot) of who you are and what your soul wants to create, along with the belief you deserve and are worthy of it, your dreams will become so fast, so full, in a way that will take your breath away (in a good way).

Get back on the horse.  It wants to show you the beauty of old and new dreams come true.  Hold on, or better yet, let go.  Everything is still here for you.  You’ve been blocking it with your doubt and grief.  If I were you, I would do now what you wanted to do then – only even better now.  It’s still here.  Don’t give up!

Love,

Molly

Where’s the Joy?

Dear Molly,

By the time I’m done with work, I’m exhausted.  How can I create space for more joy in my life?

– Joyless in Juneau

Dear Joyless in Juneau,

Choose 1 day a week.

Without knowing what you’ll be doing, or how you’ll manage it, just pick one day of the week.

This is your day!

Whether you feel like it or not, this is the day each week you treat yourself to something nice.  A bouquet of flowers, a new cd – something to lift your spirits.

These little tokens of appreciation for yourself will begin to lift your heavy energy.

Make sure you do this every week.  No skipping out on yourself!  Reminding yourself you are loved by first giving it to yourself will open the door to more joy.

Love,

Molly.

Creative Flow

Dear Molly,

What do you do when you can’t get your creative juices flowing?

– Blocked in Brentwood

Dear Blocked in Brentwood,

I love this question.

Here’s how you start your way back home to your true, creative self:

Create space in your day for something fun.  You only need 30 minutes to start.  Pick something that makes your heart sing (painting, singing, etc…).  You know what it is – trust the first thing that comes to you.

Don’t feel guilty about it!

Just start this one hobby and watch how allowing yourself to do something you really love begins to open you back up.

Be a kid again!!

Reconnecting to play and the process of enjoying something will get the juices flowing again.  Hope this helps!

Love,

Molly.

Changing Course

Dear Molly, 

What do you do when you discover you’ve been following the wrong path for too long?  I know this is not what I signed up for, but I don’t know how to adjust my sails.  I’d like to start doing what I really want.  Please help. 

– Wandering in Westminster

Dear Wandering in Westminster, 

Decide what you want and shift your focus into something new.  Don’t beat yourself up because of the road you just traveled.  Everything has purpose.  The only way to be happy is to listen to your heart and soul and trust it will always lead you in the right direction.  Let go of what was and open to where you are now.  Everything will become clear as you release and allow yourself to want what you want.  Then all you have to do is enjoy.  

Have fun!

Love, 

Molly.

Trying Too Hard

Dear Molly, 

I have been trying to make some changes in my life for a long time, but I don’t seem to be getting anywhere.  I really want to lose weight and feel better in my body.  I feel tired all the time, and my results don’t seem to stick.  I’ll lose 10 pounds then gain it back.  I want to end this vicious cycle, but I also think, “what’s the point?”  Why bother if I’m just going to gain it back and have to do it all over again?  I think it’d be easier to just give up.  

– Wishing for Weight Loss in Westchester

Dear Wishing for Weight Loss in Westchester,

Don’t give up! Sometimes I think when people are having so much trouble with something it’s because they are trying too hard.  You probably know what to do to lose weight since you’ve done it before.  Now maybe you just need to relax a little bit, and be easy on yourself as you do it again. This time when you feel yourself starting to get stressed or feel a slip backwards, just lightly catch yourself.  You’ve been there before – so you know the spot.  Breathe, relax, and gently encourage yourself forward.  We all do this, so don’t think you’re the only one.  It’s a common part of change – one step forward, two steps back.  You just learn how to catch yourself in that spot where it gets intense, and you want to revert back to your old ways.  One new thought in the right direction will keep you moving forward.  Decide to breakthrough! (and know you’re worthy of the breakthrough!!)

Pretty soon you’ll learn how to manage yourself on a regular basis, sensing the slipping points and redirecting yourself.  Believe it or not, your mind has a lot of control here.  See if you can notice the dialogue that comes up during the hard times – that’s really what needs to change.  

Like every other change, the ability to see yourself in a positive light will help push through the hard stuff and sustain the new you!

Remember how awesome you are!  Now prepare your mind again for success.  You can do it!  

I’m cheering you on!

Love, 

Molly.

Letting Go

Dear Molly,

I’m ready to move into a new phase in my life. It’s been a long time coming, probably should’ve done it years ago, but I’m ready now. I’m wondering how to make it through in one piece coming out on the other side feeling alive and free. I don’t normally handle change well, and all parts of my life are shifting. Please help me through!

– Shifting in Shelbysville

Dear Shifting in Shelbysville,

Congratulations!

I know it’s scary, but you’re getting ready for the one of the greatest adventures of your life!

That’s my first piece of advice – See it as an adventure you are creating.

The key to making it through the middle is to let go. Trust the change.

Keep your eyes focused forward, because there’s so much ahead of you.

Make sure to remind yourself why this is important to you. You may need that reminder more than a time or two. 🙂

When life starts moving really fast, remind yourself you can never keep up with everything, and you never have to. Stay strong and focused, but also let go. That’s a tricky balance for some, but it’s how you’ll come out feeling alive and free. The freedom’s in the letting go. Just keep moving with it the best you can, and when you need a break – take one!

I tell you it’s all in the pacing!

Happy trails to you! I think you are going to be great.

Love,
Molly.

p.s. the first step sometimes is all it takes to open up a brand new life. I believe in you!

Not Good Enough

Dear Molly,

I have trouble letting myself have what I want.  It’s frustrating.  I know who I am and what I want to do, but I struggle with this idea that I’m not good enough – so why try?  Can you help me with this?  I miss my life. 

– Missing Out In Montana

Dear Missing Out in Montana,

You are good enough.  We all are.  So just brush those words out of your vocabulary.  Okay?  

I see this happen all the time with adults.  You try, and try, and try, and try, and then you’re tired.  You make it so much harder than it is.  When all you really have to do is show up with an open heart, and have so much fun with whatever you’re doing.  Everything starts working out when you enjoy yourself.  It’s like people just can’t wait to give you more, because your joy is contagious. 

So, get rid of the “I’m not good enough” lie.  You are love, and you are light.  Start acting in line with that truth, and your life will begin to change. 

When you try to tell yourself those lies, catch yourself in the act and change your mind. 

Let your new ‘good enough’ behavior follow. 

Love,

Molly.

Joyful Journey

Dear Molly,

Please talk to me about how I can live more fully and enjoy this experience of life.  I tend to get obsessed with getting things done and the ever elusive finish line, which you and I both know does not exist.  I still crave the completion of things, but I’d like to be able to enjoy myself along the way.  How do I reconcile these two points, so I may feel the success and confidence from completing cycles but not lose myself in the chase?  Thank you for your guidance.

– Chasing in Chatanooga

Dear Chasing in Chatanooga,

The journey is why you’re here, but I agree there’s a certain degree of satisfaction that comes from the finish line too.

Here is how you use them both.

Focus on what you want and where you would like to be, then detach from the outcome.  Hold that vision strong, but do not think you need to know every detail of how you will get there.  This is part of the fun.  The vision will pull you forward, but by detaching from the ‘finish line,’ you free yourself to enjoy the steps.  Take pleasure in the momentum that builds along the way!  It’s kind of like planning a trip — sometimes the anticipation is as wonderful as the trip itself — but if you can learn to enjoy both – then you’ve really got it made!

It’s important to have something to look forward to, because it keeps your energy moving forward.  If you’ve ever felt stuck, this is a great way to get out.  The idea of something has to excite you enough to propel you into action when the time is right.

Knowing you’re moving towards something keeps you from getting lost in the shuffle.  Living like a kid again requires total immersion in right now.  Stay loose, and be easy with it.  Tension and negativity will block your progress, and worse they will steal your joy.

Focus Forward.  Live Right Now. 

This is how you integrate the two.

You didn’t come for the win.  You came for the game.  The win is short-lived.  Once you get there, you’ll want something else.  To really master this, you know this ahead of time.  This allows you to add one cycle on top of another until this beautiful flow becomes your life.

Enjoy the journey.  Enjoy the end.  Just know the end becomes a new starting line.

When you acknowledge this, you’ll throw your arms in the air and begin to enjoy the ride.

Now get to ‘work!’

Love,

Molly.

 

Friend or Foe?

Dear Molly,

I just got in a big fight with my friend.  She always tries to boss me around, and I’m getting sick of it.  How do I talk to her about this, or maybe it’s just time to move on and find some better friends?

– Bickering in Blaine

Dear Bickering in Blaine,

Relationships are always a two-way street.  Your friend might be bossing you around, but you’re the one who has allowed it up until now.  So, you’ve already done the first step, which is to decide you won’t let people treat you like that anymore.  If you want to continue the relationship, you can simply let her know how you feel.  Say something like, “I feel ________ when you speak to me like that.  She might get defensive but hold your ground and continue the conversation.

Let her know you’re making some changes in your life, and tell her what you need from the relationship/friendship.  If she is willing to look at herself and is open to listening to what you need, that will tell you a lot.  Ask her what she needs from you too, and take responsibility for your role in the relationship.  This can actually make your relationship better and stronger.

If she doesn’t respond well or is not willing to change the way she communicates with you, you can either decide to let it continue or walk away.  If you walk away, make sure you respect yourself as the person you’ve now become, so you attract friends who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Hope this helps.

Love,

Molly.

Time to Move in Tinseltown

Dear Molly,

What do you recommend I do about this situation?  I don’t want to live where I’m living anymore, but I don’t know where to go.  I’ve wanted to move for awhile, but whenever I think about where, i can never come up with a definitive place.  I feel like I’m being indecisive, but maybe I really don’t know?  How can I get more clear about this, and then take the leap to do it? 

– Time to Move in Tinseltown

Dear Time to Move in Tinseltown,

You might not know, because you’ve been stuck where you are for so long, nothing seems like it will be different.  Why don’t you start with a trip?  Do a little traveling and test the waters a bit.  Do you like the water?  The mountains?  Do you want to live abroad?  Book some short trips to cities you are drawn to.  Don’t worry if before you leave, you can’t see yourself living there.  It’s about the process.  Each venture out will help you become a little more clear.  Then, when you’re ready to take the leap, you’ll be able to do so with a little more confidence. 

Enjoy!

Love,

Molly.